Week 17 - Day 135

The Xena Project
Week 17
Days without sugar: 62

Well, this is the last week of the Xena Project... officially.

As I went to pick up my Xena costume for the Halloween party, I felt that I'd been on a long journey to get there - to earn that outfit. I've braved freezing mornings, gruelling workouts, sweet temptations and confronting femme fatales at the nexus. I can see the benefit of my new lifestyle on my form and I can feel it too.

While bootcamp has been awesome, my greatest achievement so far has been over sugar. I never imagined I could break that hold. Most of you have no real idea just how enslaved I was to the reward and punishment cycle of the sweet stuff - chocolate especially. While I'd go on a diet from time to time and tell myself that I'd be okay with just having a little bit, inevitably I'd slide back to family blocks... yes blocks - the plural is no mistake. An expanding waistline is nothing at all compared to the misery of knowing how continually and inevitably I let myself down.

Do I miss sugar? No! F* no! Why on earth would I ever miss feeling like that?

Yep, the Xena project is over because I have no need for a project now.

I AM Xena! :-P

Week 15 - Day 120

The Xena Project
Week 15
Days without sugar: 47

Tip number one: Do not wear tiger print undies to the gym. For most of you, this is probably a given. I doubt any of you even OWN tiger print undies (and if you do, please, I do NOT want to know). This month's bootcamp has an all new curiosity ... a woo girl. What is a woo girl, you ask? A woo girl is a female who often squeals 'WOOOOOO!' in public. Usually this happens in bars or concerts, is increased exponentially in the presence of alcohol and is echoed by her giggling gaggle of woo girlfriends. In the bootcamp context, a woo girl jumps up and down, squealing 'woo!' at the start of each exercise round while the rest of us are silently thinking 'eek!' Yes, the woo girl was also the undie offender.

I don't think that the woo girl is overly enthusiastic. She also giggles at the word 'backside' and when stretches require balance. I'm not sure what was more amusing this morning, her giggles or the trainer's totally bemused but professionally polite responses.

Tip number two: Don't bother researching fitness and gym attendance in modern culture. Again, I doubt any of you would do this, but ... you know, just in case. I figured I could turn to ethnographers and cultural analysts to help me understand this strange new fitness world. Instead, I found myself skipping past articles about the role of the gym in homosexual identity. I glanced through feminist rants about how women are trying to masculinize their bodies by using physical discipline to renegotiate their self esteem.

Ugh! Please!

It's disappointing at best. The body, in our culture, is fraught with complex (hyper)sexuality and negativity. We battle more than the bulge with each cardio minute. We battle with size, strength and discipline. We battle with what's attractive and what achievement should look and feel like.

I wonder if it's possible to do away with all that and just view the body as something simple, neutral and positive!

Week 15 - Day 116

The Xena Project
Week 15
Days without sugar: 43

Bootcamp started again this morning after a two week break. Sunday's rain left the ground sodden, the air cold and the stadium shrouded in grey.
"It'll be fun," the trainer promised. I muttered something vague in disagreement.

The new crew appears to be some regular gym girls. On first glance, I thought for sure they'd whip my ass. They are the toned, skinny types I always avert my eyes from. I was surprised to discover that I was the one being pushed the hardest. It was me with the 10kg weight in each hand and just me with one other girl who completed the full five rounds.

Go figure.

I also have an update on the gym bunny issue - apparently the female gym bunny does exist. The gym bunny is the busty gal in eye catching gear who walks on the treadmill and does low weights/high reps for general toning only. She is all about body sculpting. She is often found by the mirrors. The gym bunny is the one who bends at the waist to purse that perfect pout against the water spout ... right next to the gorilla pit of course (male dominated weight machines).

She is NOT the girl who rocks up at the gym with her baggy bootcamp shirt covered in dirt and sweat, her mess of curls half falling out of an untidy ponytail. She's not the girl who gives a tired, lopsided grin to the boppy dude behind the counter because she's done a total of 150 pushups, 200 squats (with 10kg weight), 200 lunges (with 20kg weight), 50 burpees and whole lotta running that morning. She's not the girl who only cares about a hot shower and how on earth to stay awake at work today.

So, in other words, I'm in no danger of EVER becoming a gym bunny. Yet, I can't seem to find a category that I do fit into. More research is required.

Week 14 - Day 112

The Xena Project
Week 14
Days without sugar: 39

I posted a status on facebook that wondered if I was at risk of becoming a gym bunny. What does the term actually mean? Today, I consulted my good friend Google. According to reliable sources like Wikipedia and the Online Slang Dictionary, a gym bunny is '(gay) A muscular gay man obsessed with improving his physique.' Oookay, so now I'm less worried about turning into one than I am about the people who 'liked' my status (you know who you are).

In real terms, what does it mean to be a true gym bunny? I don't think I look like one, but I do frequent the gym 3+ times a week. I own enough gym gear to clothe me for a week, but they're not exactly brand label, lycra outfits. I'm slowly getting comfortable with the cultural dynamics of the gym. Although, I have to say, it still bewilders me sometimes.

I never want to get as comfortable as the subject of yesterday's nexus shock (the nexus is the ladies' bathroom). A woman ironed her clothes in the nexus wearing nothing but a g-string the whole time. Granted... she deserved to feel comfortable about her body, but yeish!

What really identifies a disciple of the body temple? "By this you shall know my disciples, that they ... own three fitness first hats and can't sit still at work, they run up the escalator and use the stairs voluntarily, they hover at the edge of office morning teas and pull faces at the food on offer."

At what point do you cease to be a 'one of us' and start becoming 'one of them'?

Week 13 - Day 103

The Xena Project
Week 13
Days without sugar: 33

The Xena Project is three months old now. The no-sugar decision is one month gone and eleven to come. When the Xena Project began, I boasted that I would disappear before people's very eyes. 'You won't even see me when I turn sideways!' I proclaimed. Three months in, this is hardly the case. The goals have changed a little. I'm more interested in bounding up the stairs without catching my breath and in doing pushups on my toes than I am about dropping dress sizes. Still, there's no denying it anymore, the Xena Project failed.

I set out to prove that the padding would fall away if I just started taking better care of myself. No diets, no gimmicks, just good food and a bit of exercise. Sure, some if it did fall away. The only problem is that I achieved half my goal in twice the time and using three times the effort it took last year.

I'm not dropping the project. It's now more of a lifestyle than a particular goal. I'm healthier than I've ever been. I'm just disappointed that I'll have to resort to gimmicks and strange eating patterns to get the result I want. I feel disillusioned and disappointed. It's like hearing a preacher say that God doesn't satisfy quite like a snickers bar or finding out that Michael Schumacher can't parallel park. How can I admit to you all that healthy eating and exercise just doesn't cut it?

Week 13 - Day 103

The Xena Project
Week 13
Days without sugar: 30

Why does she have her shirt rolled up like that? OMG, what a poser. Is that all the weight he's going to lift? Just five minutes on the treadmill! He watched himself in the mirror that whole time. This chick is clueless.

I went to the gym last night, outside class, just to work out. I have to say that I was completely out of place. I felt so illegitimate amongst all those heavenly bodies all pushing, sculpting, posing and scoping ... yes scoping everyone else out. I hadn't realised how intense the culture of comparison was, never noticed until I found myself at the gym without a trainer or a friend to distract me.

There's an immense difference between the public sector gym downstairs and the private gym I now go to. At work, there are a couple of gods and goddesses, but it's pretty much a group normal people wearing baggy clothes to hide their baggy thighs. They huff and puff on the equipment. Their faces go red. Their hair sticks out at funny angles.

At the private gym, the ratio of divinity to normality is intimidating. Is there such a thing as designer sweat? How much straining of those thick, corded muscles under thin fabric can a girl take before she disappears into the ladies' workout room to catch her breath? How much of that tanned, toned, tiny outfitted posturing can a girl take before she trips into the cardio section to pound her self esteem back into shape?

I've never felt so observed before, so self-conscious. The gym is its own nation with a fashion, culture and language. I was a stranger in a strange land and I'm sure they could spot the tourist from across the room. I wonder, do I have the courage to stick it out long enough to turn ex-pat in gymland?

Week 12 - Day 96

The Xena Project
Week 12 - Day 96
Days without sugar: 24

Many of you think I'm crazy. Somehow I feel like I'm the lucky one. I get up at the crack of dawn and work out hard in the fresh morning air. I find it easy now. I jump to wakefulness instead of slowly swimming through the groggy black seas to hush my bleating alarm clock with a heavy thwack.

It has its downside, though. Last weekend after a late night out dancing, I sank into bed at 2am. At 5am, my flatmate found herself stranded in the valley and rang home in distress. I drove in, picked her up and then tried my very best to go back to sleep.

Only, my body had other ideas.

Waking up at 5am meant one thing. BOOTCAMP! The fact that it was Sunday, the fact that I'd only gone to bed a few hours before and the fact that I clearly wasn't doing pushups, burpees or sandbag weighted squats was totally lost on my body. A 5am wakeup meant exercise endorphins and that was that.

Still, it's better to greet the day with energy and expectation ...

Week 11 - Day 90

The Xena Project
Week 11 - Day 90
Days without sugar: 18


When I was little, I used to mistake a lot of things for being hungry.
"Mum, I'm hungry."
"You can't be."
"But I am!"
"You're probably just bored. Go outside and play."
I'd consider this for a few seconds. "I don't have anything to doooo-w!" (The w is for whinge).
A bright idea strikes my mother.
"Go tidy your room."

Now that I'm not eating sugar and, more importantly not delaying gratification, I'm super aware of the moments I'd usually dive for sweets. I'm seeing all the trip wires and triggers on the bad food battlefield.

Last week at Riverfire, I lined up for a bottle of water. In front of me, people bought hotdogs, softdrinks and icecreams. Man, those icecreams looked good! Any other time, I'd have changed my mind and bought sugar instead of water but I realised something. Those white whipped, choc topped, sprinkle covered portals to momentary heaven only looked good because they were cold and wet. I was thirsty. Once I'd downed a gulp or two of water, the icecream lost its appeal.

For a few weeks now, I've had to work back late to get everything done. It was 6:30pm and I was SO hungry. The charity chocolate boxes are everywhere in my office, strewn carelessly like candy landmines. Real food seemed too far away and damn, those chocolates looked good ... but only because I was hungry. Once I had dinner, the temptation faded like a bad dream in the sun.

Working back late has really worn me out. If it weren't for coffee and personal resolve, I'd be face down on my desk with a small puddle of drool at one side of my mouth. It's these times that I go for the cafe breakfasts and the stodgy hokkien noodle takeaways. Energy and comfort in one unwholesome bundle. What I really need is to take time out, tune out and maybe catch a few zzz's.

These are my trip wires. When temptation comes, I have to ask myself am I thirsty, hungry, or just tired?

Oh, and I still need to tidy my room :-(

Week 13 - Day 87

The Xena Project
Week 13 - Day 87
Days without sugar: 15

Happy dance! The scales retreated this morning, giving up precious ground and displaying a lesser set of digits.

Honestly, has there ever been another time in history when, at such magnitude and vehemence, people have battled their own bodies? There are full scale hostilities going on out there and I've been conscripted. It's the war of the waistline and my arse is the axis of evil. Fat is the enemy. It must be stopped. There are terrorist sugar cells lurking in every meal. It's a daily guerilla warfare to sniff out the carbs, flush out the toxins and target those ABTs.

Make no mistake, it IS a battle and the enemy fights dirty. The rules of engagement are different for every solider. Take my flatmate, for instance. She lives almost entirely off processed carbs during the day and frozen, prepackaged meals at night. Yet, she sports the most incredible leggy figure imaginable.

So, you're in the situation room with me and this is my plan of attack. I'm back on the bootcamp wagon PLUS personal training once a week. I'm rejecting all those meeting bribe lollipops and tempting cafe breakfasts. In your earnest and learned opinion, how much longer can the scales can defend their line against such an onslaught?

Week 12 - Day 83

The Xena Project
Week 12 - Day 83
Days without sugar: 12

You know you've had a good workout when:
You have trouble bending your arms backwards to do the clasp on your bra.
You're afraid to apply mascara in case your shaking hands poke out an eye.
You go to press the elevator button for your floor... and miss.

This is what boxing class does to a person! I went a class earlier this week, bringing my gloves from their lonesome closet exile. They haven’t gone back to the cupboard either. I hung them up near my desk at work so they’re always ready to use.
“Will this give people the wrong idea about me, do you think?” I asked a colleague.
“They’ll give you what you want,” she answered drily.

Unfortunately, exercise has gone by the wayside this month. The workplace is insidious that way. It’s exhausting and stressful; a recipe for jitters and no sleep. Having a free gym doesn’t help as much as it should. It feels like work by association. I can leave for work stupidly early, keep missing lunchtime workouts from meetings going over time, or leave work stupidly late. At the end of long and frustrating day, I just want to go home!

So, with the best intentions, I joined the local gym. How many people donate to their gym, I wonder? It is the mecca of best intentions. Hand on my heart though, I guarantee you’ll lose weight ... if only from your wallet and not your thighs.

Like all things in life, it’s up to me. Will my credit card pay for a donation or a fee for service? Or, put another way, what time was that body combat class again?

Week 12 - Day 78

The Xena Project
Week 12 - Day 78
Kgs lost: 4
Days without sugar: 7


Hi, my name is Laura and I’m a sugarholic. Today I am one week clean *pauses for polite applause and murmurs of approval/support*.

Sugar is addictive. Yeah, yeah. It’s not much of a headline. We’ve known that for years. If you’re a female, you’ve joked about chocoholics anonymous. If you’re a guy, you’ve wondered what the big deal is about choc chip peppermint ice-cream, microwave popcorn or her copious weeping over a bag of sour cream and onion chips (thin style).

I want it down for the record that I am not on a diet. I’m not swapping stories about cutting carbs or dairy intake and not discussing the pros and cons of Tony Ferguson. I’m not eating salads for dinner or popping metabolism booster pills.

It’s true that eating sugar makes you want more sugar. It even makes you eat more food in general. It makes you put on weight and is a major contributing factor to all sorts of health problems. Yet it’s not the chemical addiction that makes it so insidious.

I’m actually on an emotional diet. I ate sugar when I was tired. I ate it when I had a headache and needed to wake up at work. I ate it when stressed. I ate it when unhappy. I ate it to treat myself. I ate it to punish myself. The momentary buzz of sugar was a relief and a burden, an escape and a prison. THAT is true addiction.

So, I’m not denying myself something I feel I really should have. I’m not doing it for a month or so to look killer in that little red dress. I’m taking ownership of my life, my heart, and my waist all at once.

Maybe this is why I haven’t craved.

Week 11 - Day 74

The Xena Project
Week 11 - Day 74
Kgs lost: 4
Days without sugar: 3

It's day 3 without sugar and I haven't actually craved it yet. For sure, I got to 3 o'clock yesterday and looked around for something to snack on ... but that's habit more than withdrawal. I went into a meeting this afternoon and there was a plate of bikkies right under my nose. I very nearly took one until I remembered - I don't do that anymore! If anything is going to trip me up, it'll be habit. I'm in the danger zone right now. I don't know how long it will last.

There is a look of unparalleled horror on people's faces when I tell them what I've done. I must be a fruitloop... except fruitloops are full of sugar. There's more people wagering that I won't make it past Christmas, let alone Easter, than there are those who respect what I'm doing and will support me.

It's true though, in a way. Our culture is so totally saturated with sugar. I no sooner breathe in than I'm ingesting the stuff. It's freely on offer at meetings and training sessions and the little bowl at the counter where I get my coffee. Yesterday, two local admin staff wheeled around a 10kg block of Cadbury through the office. It was about as big and thick as the average workplace desktop. They were selling tickets for the CEO Challenge, yes, the very same fundraiser for which I began this whole Xena nonsense!

Yet, I am determined. I will prevail.

Not getting those 3x weekly wipeout sessions at bootcamp has left me with a lot of excess energy. I've been excessively restless and strange because of it. Last night, I went with a friend to his gym but it unfortunately reminded me why I don't like gyms. It was a big auditorium packed with sweat machines where exercise was reduced to a mass production system... like cattle. Our food is mass produced for efficiency, so why not exercise too?

I may just crack and go back to bootcamp. Good heavens, did anyone think I'd ever say that?

Week 11 - Day 71

Week 11 - Day 71
Kgs lost: 4
Days without sugar: 0

By popular vote (and also because I agree) there will be no bootcamp this month. I lay in bed this morning, listening to the rain, snuggling further under the doona and felt truly luxurious. The plan was to start boxing classes downstairs in the gym twice a week during lunchtimes. Yet, today as I booked the time into my diary, I was immediately flummoxed. I faced the problem that all white collar workers face. Everything gets booked over. This is especially true if you deal with Managers (their time being more important than yours).

So, I'll have to do much more than the 75% of the boxing classes I can turn up to.

The other major news I have today is that I have decided to go 1 year without sugar as of 1 September 2009. It's the first day of spring, after all. After the look of horror on people's faces, they said to me 'why don't you just do it for a month? That way you won't feel so bad when you fail.' The problem with doing anything for a month is that it's finite. It's short. You do it for a bit and then you go back to the way you were because the light at the end of the tunnel was never far away. If you do something for a year, it forces you to become inventive about how you live your life.

I have to be reasonable, though. Everything we eat is saturated in sugar. Our cultural palate is growing duller by the day and we require more salt, more sugar, more artificial flavours to make our taste sensations. Short of turning hermit and making all my own food from scratch (growing my own veggies and killing my own chooks), I will have to set some boundaries around this sugar goal.

Yes list: All alcohol contains sugar. Am I going dry for 1 year? Unlikely. Allowable drinks include wine and spirits mixed with juice or sugar free softdrink like Coke Zero or Pepsi Max. Also, yes to fruit juice, keeping it as natural as possible. Yes to fruit. Yes to honey. Yes to mochas (I'm not giving up coffee, sorry). Yes to bread and pasta.
No list: Softdrinks (except sugar free), alcopops, flavoured milks, processed sugar items like chocolate, icecream and lollies, bakery treats like doughnuts, cakes and slices, cereals like Cocoa Pops and Cornflakes.

Slight hiccup in my plans ... who wants those milk chocolate raspberry bullets I just ordered from Melbourne?

Week 10 - Day 68

The Xena Project
Week 10 - Day 68

I put the month of September up to popular vote. Should I continue with boot camp #3 or do something different like boxing? The response was about 90% boxing with a few random suggestions. Someone voted for roller derby. No-one proposed pole dancing or cat herding. While physical activity is important, it's only part of the story. I've lost a bit of weight and put on some muscle but after two months, I'm still not that kick-ass Xena goddess.

In the top drawer of my bedside table, I keep a small, crumpled up bit of paper. On it is a list of things I want to do in my life. Things like visit Scotland, see an aurora, learn another language or write a book are deeds I expect to do at some point, I'm just not sure when. They require money, time and devotion. There is, however, one item on that list that I could do at any time. Go one year without sugar.

Apart from the withdrawals and the temptations, there are cultural factors interfering with this life goal. How do I avoid insulting someone by refusing to eat their birthday or wedding cake? How do I avoid casting a guilt trip 'heavy' when I turn up to a chick flick night bearing carrots and hommus? What should I order when going out on the town and don't feel like drinking wine? Most of all, what do I say when people demand to know the meaning of this freakish, sugarless existence?
"I'm on a diet" is such a tired statement. It elicits devil words like 'don't be silly', 'you don't need to' or 'live a little'.
"It's a lifestyle choice" sounds like I'm one of those people who won't eat fruit unless it's already fallen from the tree or maybe that I'm going to wear leather to gay clubs and pick up women.

The Xena challenge needs to be stepped up somehow. Perhaps it's time to cross another item off my list.

Week 10 - Day 64

The Xena Project
Week 10 - Day 64


In church, people hesitate to be real. This is because the things we really do (like swear and have sex and take the little hotel shampoos home) are often looked upon as sinful... or at very least frowned upon. So, you get a whole bunch of people milling around with big smiles and lilting voices saying things like ‘cast your cares’ and ‘let me pray for you.’

I thought this was contained to the world of religion but it seems not. People are people everywhere and gym culture is no exception. The minute you admit to that strawberry double freddo or not turning up to bootcamp, you get hardballed with phrases like ‘here’s a teaspoon of concrete’ or ‘suck it up princess’ and exhorted to do better next time.

I admit that I’m starting to lose momentum. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I went this morning and worked faithfully hard. The problem is that exercise for the sake of exercise is ... well, it’s boring. I squat, I stand, I prone hold, I push up, I lift, I lower. There are ways to mix it up but the longer you do it, the more repetitive it gets.

Yet, I’m still so far from my goal.

Perhaps dedication is that elusive fifth and final state of being to usher in fitness enlightenment. Fifth, final and hardest.

Week 9 - Day 61

The Xena Project
Week 9 - Day 61

When the hero shows weakness, it is usually a plot device. The cliffhanger gets you to tune in after the commercials or the next show. Then you find out it was all a part of the hero's master plan and, of course, they were only acting. There are some exceptions to this. Frodo really did choose the ring at Mt Doom before fate saved him. Anakin really did turn to the dark side, but we all knew this because we saw Return of the Jedi before Revenge of the Sith.

I didn't go to bootcamp this morning.

I faced my moment of weakness and I gave in. I just couldn't face all the running and lifting when I carry inside me the heaviest substance known to man, the human heart. Forget Uranium or element 118. A hurting heart weighs far more. I think I'd quickly become the richest person on earth if I discovered the miracle cure for this. Heartbreak is like hiccups. Everyone has their own cure, from alcohol to chocolate to rebound sex. In the end, it's all just licking your lips against a dry wind. The relief is brief and then you're worse off than before.

I lay in bed in the dark, Samson purring at my feet because the alarm usually means a big pat and some breakfast. I lay there, I pulled the pillow closer and I went back to sleep.

Week 9 - Day 57

The Xena Project
Week 9 - Day 57

Today was kind of eerie. I said good morning not just to the moon, but also to the fog blanket covering the ANZ/QEII stadium training track. It was the scene in Harry Potter where the dementors glide past, sucking all the happiness out of the world. It was the scene of a horror film but we fled the terrifying, never-die stalker of our spare tyres and saddle bags. I lived through the horror film, of course, because I am not the happy-go-lucky 20yr old blonde who must meet the first gruesome end. Nor am I the amiable side-kick who dies unexpectedly somewhere in the middle. I must be the journo who lives to the end and reports on the sad events that unfolded this morning on the floodlit slopes of Nathan.

Actually, though I live on, it is in dread of what impact running 16 times up a slippery 45degree hill will have on my calves. Not to mention the reps of 16 pushups in between. On Day 10, I revealed that 'sore' is one of the perpetual states of bootcamp being, like hungry, tired and incredulous (at the bathroom nexus).

All I need now is to attain one more perpetual state of being and then perhaps I'll have five paths to enlightenment!

Week 8 - Day 54

The Xena Project
Week 8 - Day 54

In my mind, I have all the capabilities of a 20 year old. I have the ability to drop a dress size in a week by living off apples and cheese. I can stay out all winter's night in something skimpy and not get sick. I can have any man I want. I could probably get through a fight by relying on sheer guts and quick thinking. I still have time before I have to grow up.

Someone asked me recently why I'm going on this fitness journey. I answered honestly (brutally and awkwardly as only I can). It is because I feel that time is running out for me. Time is not on my side where it comes to everything sitting where it should and working as it should. The fitness journey is taking longer and I'm working much harder than my 20 year old self expected. All being well ... I will have a brief, shining window of opportunity to be that glorious goddess of perfect fitness and form before age and those other joys of life take their toll.

I went back to bootcamp this morning after two weeks with the flu. I always inevitably get sick whenever I decide to be healthy. It's Murphy's way of providing that extra motivational challenge. While I'm still, fortunately, among the fitter, I am clearly no longer 20.

Then again, at least I don't fall on the ground dramatically mewling and scowling like it's highschool gym and this is sooo totally like ugh! I have to pretend those 20yr olds aren't in the class in case my boot accidentally connects with their backsides. Then there was the 20yr old this morning GHDing her hair as I walked into the bathroom. I had a shower, dressed, dried my hair etc and when I left she was still standing there perfecting the little curl at the end of her ponytail.

I think perhaps it's better not to be 20, after all.

Week 7 Day 42

Week 7 Day 42 - 1.4kg or 4kgs
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $50 donation

The weightloss challenge ended last night and I'll be glad to put the scales away. They've really let me down. About a week ago, I took one of those silly facebook tests to discover my ideal weight. It told me I needed to lose 15 kilograms or, in other words, this entire cat.

:-S

Somehow, I think it's better to focus on the clothes and the stats. The second round of bootcamp began this morning. We met in the cold predawn at the QEII/ANZ stadium to do a fitness test and a run.
43 sit ups - feet unsecured (vs 100 knees off the ground crunches in the first test)
13 half pushups on my toes (vs 15 on my knees during the first test) ... bear in mind I'd already done 4 sets of 5 during the warmup.
1:50mins plank on my toes (vs 1:23mins)
2km jog (1.4km continuous over 15minutes) ... no data to compare.

Thanks to everyone who sponsored me for your time and your generosity.

Week 6 - Day 39

Week 6 - Day 39 = 1.4kg or 4kgs
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

"I wish I could be addicted to exercise," a work colleage mused to me most ruefully this week. I'd been sharing how bootcamp is postponed until Monday and how surprised I was to be missing it. Could it be true? Am I addicted to exercise?

I certainly don't love Dheeraj's Holy Cow Walk (ringtone) in the early morning dark as it bids me into the unforgiving cold. Samson blinks a few times and puts his furry head back down. Cats are supposed to be nocturnal.

I do like being active as the sun rises. There's something naturally awesome about it that's hard to explain.

I don't love the doof doof beat of dance music or the nexus of primped perfection that is the ladies' bathroom. I do like the structure and support of training where I'm pushed beyond the point where I'd have given up if I was alone.

I'm not sure whether I love the burn of that fiftieth rep or gasping indecent words on the treadmill ... but there's a corner you turn at some point where the body suddenly loves to feel worked. There's a thrill when your changing shape, strength and endurance is real instead of a stretch of the imagination.

There's a long way to go yet before the Xena Project is fully realised but I am starting to believe it IS possible to get addicted to exercise.

The catch is ... you have to do it before you can get addicted to it!

Week 6 - Day 36

Week 6 - Day 36 = 1.2kg or 4kgs
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

It looks like I'm failing the Larapinta challenge, but I'm not. The scales say 1.4kg but I can say with confidence that it is more like 4kgs. My clothes are fitting better. I no longer have to do a Beyonce body roll to get into my jeans. I feel fitter and better. My body now works for me when I ask it to do things ... well ...unless I ask it to process Hungry Jacks. THAT was a mistake. After eating most excellently for several weeks, I indulged in comfort food early last week. That vile, plastic mound of potent fats and fries was so poisonous that I had to go lie down at 7:30pm and didn't get up till morning.

I'm learning that there are good bumps and bad bumps to have. The bad bumps are the 'I look like a bag of walnuts in this outfit' type. Those are starting to disappear. The good bumps are the quad bumps just above the knees. They're the bumps in my arms when I stretch and they're the bumps that I'm supposed to have two of rather than a whole cascading mountain range when I sit down (ok, so I never got quite that bad but you get the idea).

The Larapinta Challenge ends this Sunday night and I'll send out a final update on Monday morning. It'll be up to you whether you want to trust the scales or your eyes when making your donation to charity. The Xena project, however, continues with at least another month of bootcamp ... after all, I have goals of my own to achieve :-)

Week 5 - Day 29

Week 5 - Day 29 = 1kg
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

As far as progress goes, I know for sure now that the scales are not a true indicator. This week I am definitely seeing an improvement of around 3-4 kgs (based on previous weight for this appearance). Today was tough, though.

When you lead a sedentary lifestyle, you don't notice the impact of food on your body except in a very general way. Me hungry. Me eat. Me full ... or something like that. I went to four parties last weekend, each one full of rich food and alcohol and yikes, did I feel it during the training session this morning! I felt like I was carrying an extra 20-30 kgs and I very nearly threw up doing crunches on the exercise ball near the end of the workout. I got through it, but barely. The type of fuel in my body made an enormous difference to performance and I seriously had the wrong petrol in my tank.

The instructor has encouraged me to return to natural fuels ... like a kind of caveman diet. I should stick to the things that my body recognises and knows how to process - if it swims, flies or walks and if it grows out of the ground then I can eat it. If it comes in a colourful packet and no longer resembles how it looked when it was alive ... then steer away from it.

I have two weeks left of the Larapinta stretch of the Xena Project (3 August) ... For those two weeks at least my name will be Ugha Ungh ;-)

Week 4 - Day 22

Week 4 - Day 22 = 1kg
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

I have to say, I fell into frustration and despair this past week. I was baffled by this obstinate lack of progress. My metabolism seems to have gone to sea with the owl and the pussycat in a beautiful pea green boat.

This morning, even though I'm still dismal on the scales, I started to see muscles (in my own little feminine way). So, it's not about making no progress. It's about progressing differently to the usual weightloss programs on the market. Popular diets always feature meal replacements and artificial, metallic tasting foods, deprivation and antisocial eating habits. It gets quick results, but it's not sustainable. It's not a way of life.

I remembered that my goal isn't to become some skinny flit of a thing. If it was, I'd do another detox, lose 10kgs, reap in the cash ... and hey, I might become the marshmallow man raging through central New York by October but at least I'd have won the battle (even at the cost of the war.

This isn't the Megan Fox project. It's not the Angelina Jolie project or even the Pussycat Dolls project. Sure these are all fit, good looking women ... but I can't relate to them. This is the Xena project.

The Xena project means winning cushion fights against Alan on DVD nights. It means getting to 40 pushups on my toes. It means never having to wear something different because I don't fit into what I planned (or because I looked like a bag of walnuts in it). It also means eating Sultan's Kitchen with Arif or ordering Haighs when Kerri goes down to Sydney. It's a lifestyle, not a diet.

As I cleaned my room last night, I found a pile of my old Quotes of the Day and sitting on top of the stack was 11 February 2009.

Tomorrow you promise yourself will be different
yet tomorrow is too often a repetition of today.

James T McCay

The problem with tomorrow is that it looks good because it's a different/better you in it, the one that has already made the decisions and done the hard work and is experiencing the reward... but when the series of moments pass in which you would get to that point, it turns out to be just another now. It's still you facing the same problems... Don't be different tomorrow. Be different now and start acting like it.

Week 3 - Day 19

Week 3 - Day 19 = 1.8kg
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

I've discovered that I really do have superpowers. That is, I can bend the laws of physics that you mere mortals must abide by. According to popular scientific theory, if there is more energy output than input, the body must use its own energy reserves to meet demand (loss of body mass). For some reason, I am the exception to this rule.

On the bright side, this makes me a handy ally when you need to defend your castle or walled village against a siege...

Week 3 - Day 15

Week 3 - Day 15 = 0.8kgs or 2.4kg (?)
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

Horrified, I stared at the scales this morning. What do you mean 0.8kgs? Less than 24 hours earlier I was grinning at 2.4kg in red digits between my feet. I even convinced myself I could sorta see those 2.4 reflected in the mirror. Yet, no matter how many times I cleared the screen and tried again ... it resolutely showed the same dismal figure.

What fresh torment it is to slave one's guts out only to see a reversal in fortune!!

I told myself 'this time, there will be no gimmicks' ... no starvation tactics or stoic self denial. Those tactics are like the religious war on sin which only serves to reinforce the sinner. I'm done with weightloss wonders in a pill or shake. I'm done searching for that magic ai chihuahua wand. This time it will just be good food and exercise, a reasonable bedtime and everything in moderation.

What else can I do except keep going and hope for a better outcome by next update ...?

Week 2 - Day 12

Week 2 - Day 12 = 2kg
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg + $40 donation

When someone asks 'how are you going?', most people answer 'yeah good', 'alright', 'fine' or other variation. The next socially acceptable answer is 'busy'. When you say you're busy, the other person smiles sympathetically, nods and agrees that they too are busy, aren't we all? Busy is one of those perpetual states of being in our society, like being alright.

During the Xena Project, I've discovered a new perpetual state. Sore. I don't just mean tight calves going up a set of stairs sore, or even hurts to squat down and get back up sore. I mean melodramatically groaning when I get up out of my chair because every muscle in my entire body is rioting all at once.

A relatively new state of being for me is hungry. Naturally, I've been hungry before but this is a whole new category ... it's hunger on another plane of existance. It comes on me like a force to be reckoned with and I've dubbed it 'I could eat my own head' hungry.

The last state of being is tired. I thought with all this training that I'd fall into bed like a rock and stay comatose until the alarm shrieks its bad news the next morning. For some reason, I keep waking up through the night and having to fall back asleep. It's a bit bizarre.

I made a foolhearty deal with someone that I would wear the Xena costume at the end of the project and, true to my word, have now booked in a costume party at the end of August. Of course, I'll pretend like its an embarassing imposition on my modesty and cool ... but we all know that I'm secretly looking forward to it ;-)

Week 2 - Day 8

Week 2 - Day 7 = 1kg
Total Larapinta sponsorship $35/kg

My flatmate and her best friend are teachers and now on school holidays. They went out dancing last night and got home at 4am. Only an hour later, I got up for the first day of BOOTCAMP. Barely awake in the early morning freezing dark, three little soliders started off with a beep test in the downstairs carpark (outside). Two more joined us later in socks and thongs, having somehow forgotten to bring their shoes (??)

100 crunches

70 pushups (15 during the test ... but then shuttle runs with pushups in-between counting down from 10, 9, 8, etc)

1:23 minutes doing plank on my toes (after the 100 crunches no less)

2:46 minutes ski sitting (90deg squat against the wall)

Right now, I am a piece of floppy, wet spaghetti leaning kind of side-like in my chair. It's nearly 1pm. The morning has been a blur.

You know what? Bootcamp was fine. Bootcamp was great! The most confronting part of my morning was getting ready for work. Someone said to me recently that all guys check each other out surruptitiously in the bathroom. With women, it's a bit different. I'm a bit naive about the routines most women go through in maintaining their gorgeous selves. Perhaps to my detriment, I've never been bothered with beauty stuff beyond the most simple self-care. As I stood between these two nearly mannequin-like specimens of woman-kind, I was overwhelmed by their array of creams, powders, sponges, brushes and things I don't even know the name of. I felt rather ... inadequate.

Bring on the lunges. I'll deal with the challenge of sponges some other day!!

Maybe.

Week 1 - Day 5

Week 1 - Day 5 = 0.6kgs

Total sponsorship $35/kg

It's a rather inconclusive amount considering the scales can vary up to a kilogram over the course of one day. I'm a bit disheartened and disappointed in this reluctant metabolism of mine.

I've been aware this week, more than usual, of all the weight-related media that's around at the moment. There was the recent study of Australian kids that found they still don't eat their veggies and spend too much time in front of the tv. Fast food companies have signed a pledge that they will advertise responsibly to children. Then of course, there is the ongoing debate over how much funding to give to lapband surgery to fight the obesity-related drain on our health care system. Fat seems to be the ultimate expression of the mythological hydra because it's not the existance of fast food or sweets that's making people fat. It's not a cycle of depression based on skinny models and freudian first pleasures. It's not even really western hedonism or complacency. It's no singular thing. Nearly everything about the way day-to-day society operates encourages poor food consumption and little exercise.

Just about everything (primary foods excluded) you buy from the shops is bad for you in some way. Even products marketed as healthy are misleading. Shops themselves are designed to encourage you to eat badly. The FoodWorks at the Metro, for example, makes you run a junk-food gauntlet before you can get to the checkout. You are literally forced to walk between two metre-long stands of impulse buys just to get your carrots and celery out of the store. They're a business. They care about incrementally adding to their profit margin. They care nothing about incrementally adding to my ar$e.

"The corporations sit there in their... in their corporation buildings, and... and, and see, they're all corporation-y... and they make money..." (Tim Robbins - Team America)

Next week, the Xena Project really kicks off with a vengence. I start bootcamp first thing in the freezing Monday morning dark and will be training 3x a week for the next month. This reluctant body can't fail but respond to THAT!

Stay tuned for groans and whimpers :-)

Week 1 - Day 1

Week 1 - Day 1 = 0kgs

Total sponsorship $35/kg

Firstly, thanks to the people who are sponsor me in the fundraising challenge. BCC is a strong supporter of the organisation's committment to domestic violence awareness raising and community support avenues. Domestic Violence is something that goes on all the time but we rarely hear about it. There's something sacred and secret about family life that makes this topic uncomfortable, but important.

I have to admit, a weightloss challenge is both awkward and opportune. Thankfully, I don't have to stand in my undies in front of a voyeuristic crowd while big red digits above my head betray my secret shame. Phew! On the other hand, this is an excellent source of inspiration to start taking better care of myself.

I've nicknamed my challenge 'The Xena Project' as it's about health and fitness and aiming for my potential, not just settling for an acceptability level that decides between a t-shirt or no t-shirt at the beach ;-) What it's NOT about is starving myself for six weeks only to pack it on twice as heavy come Christmas

I'm also accountable to you guys for the amount per kilo that you've nominated BUT instead of counting down from the the amount of X that shall never be revealed even on pain of death, I will begin at 0 and count up. I'll let you know how I'm going each week so you have an idea how much it will be at the end.

It's all for a good cause.

Two, actually.